DOLCE

Kicked Out

We may have disappeared for 2 weeks but we are back in action with a plethora of new material! Last week we spent our time at a beach house in Fire Island with 14 of our closest friends. Here is one unforgettable story that came out of this vacation.

Meet Cory. He’s 22, tall, athletic, and in his last semester of college. These are all the things I learned on our second meeting because I don’t remember meeting him the first time around.

Cory and I met at this wonderful place called “Boardy Barn” where he must have got my number. He was very persistent on hanging out and seemed like a nice guy. When finding out I was going to be in Fire Island for the week, we agreed to meet up at one of the local hotspots.

Cory was very charming that Saturday night. He kept up conversation, introduced himself to all of my friends, bought a round of drinks, and waited for me while I was on an hour bathroom line. We seemed to have really hit it off…and he was an excellent kisser.

Unfortunately, Cory missed the last ferry back to Long Island and was trying to figure out where his friends were going. My guilty conscious got the best of me knowing he was probably going to end up sleeping on a park bench.

“Hey, if you need a place to stay you can come to my house. I mean I’m not sleeping with you but you can sleep next to me. Oh, and I have a twin bed.”

“Are you sure? I promise we can just cuddle and sleep.”

Cory held my hand and skipped home with my friends and I. I walked him through the back door not wanting to have to explain myself to the others in the house. I got into my pajamas, kissed him goodnight, and we were both out cold. That was until…

**buzz buzz**

“Cory, your phone is ringing. It’s your mom.”

“Ignore it, it’s fine.”

It wasn’t hard for me to ignore it the first time around but the 3^rd, 5^th, and 14^th time his phone rang it was becoming impossible for me to avoid. Cory on the other hand didn’t flinch.

Then I realized I thought too soon.

Night Terrors

He must have not been used to sleeping in a twin bed let alone share one. I knew I was going to wake up with bruises everywhere and not the kinky kind. Every 5 minutes as I started to dose off I was getting slapped in the face with his arm or kicked in the shins by his feet. I was getting so angry with him that I started fighting back. On top of the World War 3 that was unconsciously breaking out in my bed, he was snoring up a symphony. Lucky Gabanna was sound asleep (or so I thought) in the twin bed across from us. After I got punched in the stomach I made a jump for her bed.

“What the hell are you doing?” She said.

“I can’t sleep, can I please sleep with you in here?”

“I can’t sleep either. He won’t stop snoring!”

We tried to close our eyes for a good two minutes but it sounded like there was a 2-ton elephant in our room, not a 22-year old boy.  

“You need to get him out Dolce!”

“It’s 5 in the morning! I’ll do it at 6.”

“We aren’t going to sleep for an hour if you don’t make him leave. I’ll do it! Just get him out!”

“Fine!”

Get the Eff Out She’s Effed Up

I walked over to Cory and shook him. He didn’t wake up so I started punching his arm. He didn’t budge until I finally stuck my finger in his ear.

“Hey, I’m so sorry but you got to go. My friend Dee has been puking all night and I need to give her my bed.”

He stared at me in disbelief.

“I mean it. I’ve been up all night taking care of her. Gabanna, go check on Dee and see if she’s ok! She’s on the couch.”

Gabanna left and walked in 2 minutes later holding Dee up. Dee, who was playing along, stumbles in with her fake eyelashes falling off, hair all over the place, and shorts half on.

“Mehhh I’m so drunk” she said as she fell face first onto Gabanna’s bed. I started fixing her hair and pulling her shorts up. “Don’t butt rape me!” She screamed. Gabanna and I burst out laughing that I had to leave the room to get back into character.

I walked back in with a cup of water and tried to hold her head up and make her drink it.

“How much did you drink?”
“I took like 10 shots! And I had 4 rocket fuels PSHUUUUU!” She screamed as she pretended to blast off like a rocket.

Cory just watched us with his mouth wide open. I grabbed Cory’s shirt, phone, and wallet and handed it to him.

“Ok, so let me walk you out.”
“Where am I going to go?”

Dee started to pretend to dry heave and Cory leapt off the bed and ran into the hallway.

“Make a left out of the block and you can find the ferry. I think there’s a 5:30 and a 6am ferry.”

“Really?” He asked. I shook my head reassuring him knowing deep down I had no clue and completely made that up on the spot.

Cory left the house and I locked the door behind him. I got back into the room, high-fived Dee and Gabanna, and crawled back into bed.  I knew I would never hear from the kid again but my sleep was more important.

Two days later I got a text from Cory. He didn’t even bring up the incident and wants to hang out ASAP. I still have no clue why.

Moral of the Story:

-       Hoes before bros. Gabanna wanted him out so I knew Cory had to go.

-       He may be a great guy but watch out for those Night Terrors. He may be unconsciously beating the crap out of you, but it’s still not right.

-       There are creative ways to kick people out without hurting too many feelings.

-       Make sure you and your friends can act and keep a straight face when pulling a stunt off like this. Thankfully Dee said some funny things that we could laugh about. However, if we didn’t keep our cool, Cory wouldn’t have bought it.

-       If he still wants to hang out with you after you kicked him out at 5 am…maybe he’s worth a second chance. Just don’t ever share a bed.