DOLCE

Don’t Be a Gold-Digger, but Don’t be a Sugar Mama

Everyone wants to be spoiled once in a while, right? It’s nice to know that the other person you’re seeing wants to give you nice things and throws down their credit card when the bill comes. But when you take take take you lose the appreciation of someone treating you. I was raised to fend for myself. I always try to treat back or split the bill when the check comes after dinner. That’s what people should do. One person shouldn’t have to take care of things all the time. There are two people, so it should be a double effort.

“What about the first date?” you may ask? The person that asked you out should be the one treating. Call me old-fashioned but when a boy asks me to a movie or dinner I kind of expect them to pay. But...DO NOT come off like you expect it.

Here are some simple rules:

1.     Always bring cash. Even if you know they’re going to treat, always have a stash. (Even if it’s for a taxi home because you need to get the hell out of there.)

2.     When the check comes see if they go for the bill. It’s worse when you guys are playing the “what check?” game and are pretending that it never came.

3.     ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS offer to help pay! Even if this guy is an asshole or his dad is a millionaire, be polite.

4.     My personal rule is to always offer twice. Once says I’m being polite, twice says Ok, I’m being serious, last chance. If he/she says “No I got this” you better give him more than a friendly handshake (a hug works).

5.     Always sound grateful and say the magic words. My pet peeve is when people don’t even say thank you. Be grateful bitch, money doesn’t fall from trees.

6.     If they take you up on your offer, it’s good to split the bill. It’s showing that you want to help out but you’re not going to be a sugar mama. Offering to leave the tip is fine too.

7.     DO NOT take care of the entire bill if they’re taking you out. I thought once upon a time that it was cool, but it’s kind of rude. Here’s my story…

So you all remember Seth right? Well you thought after my first trip down to the land of peaches that I would get rid of the boy right? No. After the first trip and all his apologies, he got the best of me and said he was going to fly me back down to make it up to me. Stupid love-struck Dolce agreed.

So army boy flew me back down to Georgia for his “Military Ball.” It’s basically some social gathering where they have a nice dinner, drink, and show off their dates (or wives because most of them are married). I never went to one of these things before so I knew I had to be some damn good arm-candy. $200 later I ended up with a striking royal blue cocktail dress and t-strap sparkly gold shoes. Bitches won't have anything on me.

Seth bought my plane ticket and I offered to help pay for whatever we did down there. We went to breakfast, lunch, and dinner and every time I laid down my card because I wanted to treat. I didn’t mind laying down the dough in place of the airfare, but everything was adding up quick. (I mean he was the one that wanted to fly me down to “make it up to me.” And I just spent $200 to look like a damn good date. Womp womp.)

Dropped the Ball

The night before the ball Seth comes back with interesting news.

“Well some of my friends aren’t going to this ball anymore so we’re not going to go anymore.” WHAT. You mean I flew down here and dropped all this damn money to sit on a couch and watch Modern Family with you for 3 days? But no, I’m polite.

“Oh, really? Are you sure? Because I bought this wonderful dress and shoes…” (that took me 3 shopping trips to find damnit.)

“Yea I feel really bad but it’s not going to be that fun anyway so I’m going to take you to this nice Italian restaurant instead. I already made the reservation.”

A few deep breaths later, I responded with a smile and said, “ok that sounds great.”

The place we went to was nice. We had a great table, great service, and even a piano player who set the mood. The menu was a little pricey but decent.

What to Order:
Now ladies, it’s important when knowing you’re being treated to choose wisely. Don’t order 2 appetizers, a glass of champagne, and the filet lobster combo. You have to have respect that your guy is buying and not take advantage.

So with that, I ordered a glass of pinot (but one of the cheaper ones), and a scallop dish that was classy, yet not putting too much of an impact on the bill. Seth on the other hand was feeling confident. He ordered a salad appetizer, a filet mignon (and not the small one), and 2 Ketel-One vodkas on the rocks…Oh and dessert; that I claimed I did not want because I was too full (and trying to be polite).

Then the bill came. Thinking…oh well he’ll probably treat me this time around because it’s in place of the ball and my birthday is 2 days away.

Yea? No.

We tried to ignore the bill but I finally picked it up and started to get my credit card out.

“This one is probably too expensive let me take care of it,” Seth said.

“I feel bad, I can take care of it if you want.” (polite yet, if you ask again I will say “sure!” And throw it your way).

“Oh really? Thanks.” With that he took my credit card that I had left on the table and put it in the slot of the bill book.

My damage? Over $130.

Yes, he bought my plane ticket but the amount I dropped on the trip altogether was not worth it.

Moral of the Story:

Hopefully this won’t ever happen to one of you guys but it taught me a good lesson. Some people love to give give give. But if you don’t ever take once in a while (or speak up), everyone is going to walk all over you.

GABANNA

A Need to be Wowed

Isabelle had been in a relationship with TJ for nearly ten years. This past fall they were planning on getting married, but at the last minute she called off the wedding. Why would she do this after ten years of dating the same guy?

“He never wowed me. I deserve to be wowed,” was her explanation.

This week’s blog is about not settling for something less than you deserve. Isabelle and TJ had been on and off for a while; she told him she wouldn’t be with him unless he lost weight, went hiking and learned how to drive a boat. Surprisingly, he did them and she took him back. While they were apart though she had joined a dating site and was seeing other people, unbeknownst to him. She was content with him, while he was head over heels for her and would clearly do anything to stay in the relationship.

My Story:

A few years back I was dating this guy Jimmy. I’m not really serious when I say that I dated him, because I was with other people when I was with him, but he considered us to be a couple/exclusive. He was a year younger than me, and a total meathead. Jimmy went to the gym every day, twice a day. Throughout the summer we were “dating” I was constantly trying to figure out if I liked him or not.

Note: this should have tipped me off right away to the fact that I did not like him. If you like someone you usually just know, you don’t need to think about it.

Here are some of the things that turned me off to him:

-For our first date we went to IHOP. Now, I love pancakes as much as the next person, but for a first date? Keep it classy guys, take us somewhere nice for our first time out. Also something that turned me off: he didn’t tip our waiter. That’s a HUGE deal to me.

-Dolce and her boyfriend at the time invited us to the beach once. After arriving at the beach around 1pm Jimmy told us that he had to be back home by 3 because he needed to get his hair cut. REALLY?! Why would you even go to the beach in the first place if you knew you had something to do? It showed how selfish he was because he didn’t care that we just got there, and that he was ruining our afternoon by making us leave.

-He talked about the gym. ALL THE TIME. Every single thing he did at the gym he would describe to me in great detail. Dude, I don’t care. I really have no interest in what you do for hours on end at the gym. I was sitting on my couch watching TV and being a bum.

-A bunch of us decided to go to the movies one night. He told me that he was going to pay for me “because I was so f****** hot.” Now I know what you’re thinking: this kid is a douche. Yup. This is pretty much when I decided that Jimmy was starting to get under my skin.

-While I was away at school he was telling other people that we were dating. Meanwhile, he would never text me or try to come visit me unless it was convenient for him (such as when he was on his way home from visiting his friends, he would decide to stop by for an hour or so). And whenever I came home for a weekend I was expected to make time to hang out with him. Nah brah, the phone works both ways.

The Final Straw:

Amber and I were at a party at his house one night over winter break. I hadn’t seen my friends almost all semester, and was talking to a lot of them. Jokingly, a few of us decided to play spin the bottle, and I ended up in a room with one of my friends. We moved the bed up and down and made noises, which apparently set Jimmy off. When we came out of the room Jimmy was gone and one of his friends told me that he was really angry with me for “disrespecting him in his own house.” When I tried to talk to him about it and tell him that we were just kidding he told me that he couldn’t talk to me and wanted me to go. I think that it surprised him when I got angry and left. The kid barely gave me the time of day and then would get mad at me for flirting too much with my friends. The rest of my break he would call me and try to hang out, and I would make excuses about why I couldn’t.

            In retaliation for him being a douche, I hooked up with one of his friends the night after the party. Now I probably should not have done that, but who really cares? It was fun, and Jimmy never found out.

Moral of the Story:

-If he takes you to IHOP, he’s not trying

-If he tells you that he’s only paying because you’re hot, then it means he’s a douche

-Everyone deserves to be wowed; don’t settle for anything less than a gourmet meal on the first date

Don’t give your ex or old hook-up a list of things to change. Like with Jimmy I realized what I didn’t like and cut the ties. People don’t change and you shouldn’t have to change someone you want to be with. Yea it may suck that you don’t have a regular hook-up but just make-out with their best friend if you’re feeling saucy and move on.