GABANNA 

Off The Wagon

I had already known JP from hanging with his group of friends for so long, but we were never really close until he started talking to Dolce.

“You should come visit the Naval Academy.”

“Not third wheeling it dude.”

“I have a guy for you. He’s taller and better looking than I am.”

“Alright, you’ve twisted my arm.”

So off we went.  We were supposed to meet JP and his friends around 9, so naturally we got there early to pregame for pregaming with the guys to go out. 

We found a random bar with awesome deals on pitchers, and it had the game on for Dolce the Tomboy. Two pitchers later the boys arrived, and we were introduced to Jeremy, Matty and Bear. JP nudges me and says “ya welcome.”  Not gonna lie, Jeremy was pretty hot. Dumb as a rock, as I would later find out, but definitely hot. And also very shy. Being a smart brunette, I knew how to get him to open up. Yup, you guessed it. “You need more beer!”

Once we were all good and drunk, (except for our DD, gotta be responsible) we piled into the car and headed for the next bar. After several hours of dancing and no action, I turned to Jeremy and demanded “Are you gonna kiss me or what?!” And he did. Winning.

Around 3am we decided it was time to head back to the school. As we were getting close JP turns to us and says, “So, uh, no guests are allowed inside at night…you guys are going to have to go into the trunk.” Dolce and I laughed, and then saw the looks on the guy’s faces.

“Seriously?” Seriously. We crawled over the backseat and hid under some sandy towels, and naturally proceeded to have a photoshoot as we were snuck through the front gate.

After we climbed out of the trunk we went on a little adventure. JP and Jeremy decided to go through the freshie dorms and wake everyone up. Naturally, I followed while Dolce stayed in the courtyard to make a phone call. The three of us ran through the dorms, banging on doors and yelling for everyone to get into formation. I turned around to see 3 guys standing there, asking what uniform they should be in. I yelled back “You know what you should be wearing!” and continued running.

You should all know that I was wearing a tube top and little white shorts. Who in their right mind would think that I was really a drill sergeant demanding that everyone get into formation at 4am? Regardless, they continued following me and questioning me until I ran out of the building and into the courtyard where Dolce and the boys stood waiting for me.
“GO GO GO, THEY’RE FOLLOWING ME!”

“I think you lost them,” Jeremy said as I turned around and saw that the freshies were safely inside of their building and not out to get me for my lovely 4am wake up call. We continued our walk back to the boys dorm without any more “Hitler Rampages”, as it would later be called.

Now, previously in the night I remember Jeremy saying that he was Matty’s roommate. Once we got into the dorm Matty went off and Dolce began saying how great it was that JP and Jeremy were roomies. I started to interrupt that they were not roommates when JP cut me off.

“No Gabanna, of course this is my room. There’s even little surf boards on my sheets. Clearly they’re mine.”

“That makes so much sense!” Oh my little blonde Dolce.

We all climb into our beds and immediately pass out. I wake up the next morning to Jeremy being a good student and going to formation. Dolce immediately crawled into bed with me in her newly acquired soccer t-shirt and we laugh about what happened the previous night. JP groans and throws pillows at us until Dolce goes back to cuddle with him, and Jeremy soon comes back and climbs into bed with me again. An hour later we are all woken up (again) to Jeremy being a good student (again) and going to class.

Unfortunately for JP, this time we were up for good and demanding him to take us to get breakfast. JP says he won’t take us to breakfast unless we’re in uniform, so naturally we get dressed up and document our silliness. We change back into our huge t-shirts and Matty walks in. “Hey! That’s my shirt!”

“What?!” Dolce yells! “Who’s bed did I sleep in!”

“I told yo-” 

BEEP BEEP BEEP! BEEP BEEP BEEP!

You guessed it: off goes the fire alarm. Naturally Dolce and I start scrambling to grab our stuff and run out of the room. “HEY! Give me back my shirt!!”

Oh those shirts. They were so big you couldn’t even see our shorts underneath.  And we totally stood out in the sea of men in uniform. We immediately throw our sunglasses on and start walking away from the building to the direction of the car.

Yup. Best walk of shame ever. (For now)

DOLCE

Smart to be Sneaky

It's smart to be sneaky, but if you're not careful you can get caught. My relationship with this boy was just that.

Meet JP: 22, kind of a jock, good sense of humor, and extremely good-looking.

I met him playing Thumper at my friend Rich's going-away party. Since I had to waitress that night, I was late to the party and agreed to DD. I never met JP before but he went to the same Naval University as my friend Rich. After the game JP asked me for a ride back to a friends house, where he was staying that night. His friends weren't ready to leave but it was around the corner so I agreed to make the trip. As I pulled up to the house he convinced me that only a good DD would walk him to the door.

Not thinking anything of it I walked him to the front door, which led to me going inside, which then resulted in a hot make-out sesh on his friends couch. Wait, what?! It all hit me mid-kiss. I don't know if it was my looks, my moves in Thumper, or the smell of bbq sauce (from working that night) that made him so attracted to me. After convincing him that I had to get back to the party I gave him my number and left.

We started to hang out a lot, but summer came to an end and he headed back to school. Conveniently  for us, his Naval University was located right outside of NYC and he convinced Gabanna and myself to pay him a visit.  

That night.
We took JP up on his offer and decided to meet up in NYC one night. Gabanna and I headed in extra early to meet up with old friends and pregame. We wound up at a sports bar so I could watch the football game and enjoy $5 pitchers of beer. JP eventually showed up with his sailor friends Jeremy, Bear, and Matty. After the football game ended we hopped into JP's car and drove over to another bar to dance.

After an hour of being at the second bar I made my way through the crowd and bumped into a familiar face.
"Oh shit."
"Oh my god! Dolce!"
"Tim! Is that you?"

Meet Tim. (You'll hear more about him another time.) 25, lived in Queens, was a blind date.

I was shocked that he was there (when do you ever run into someone in the city?). Gabanna was so baffled that she didn't believe it was him and insisted to check his ID to confirm. It was him.

JP came over to us and pulled Gabanna aside to ask her who I was talking to and if he had anything to worry about. She's a damn good liar.

"Oh no! That's her friend Chris from High School! Don't worry about it!"

Gabanna winked at me and mouthed "I got this" as she grabbed JP by the arm and headed to the lower level of the bar. What are best friends for?

Tim bought me a drink and insisted we dance. Knowing I had a boy on each floor I kept excusing myself to use "the bathroom" every 10 minutes to go back and forth. About an hour into my scheme Tim made his move and kissed me. I got caught up in the moment and when I opened my eyes I saw Jeremy and Bear walking my way.

"I'll be right back!"
"Wait! You just got back from the bathroom!"
"Broke the seal!"

I ducked under the crowd, ran downstairs, and told Gabanna code red. Luckily JP's friends didn't see a thing.

The night came to an end and we decided to head back to the boys school. Thinking I'd sit shot-gun on the way home turned into me and Gabanna laying face down in the trunk under blankets. Technically they weren't allowed to have guests and had to smuggle us in. As we arrived on campus I noticed my phone was blowing up from army boy Seth ("slap story"). I snuck off by myself to call him and told the guys I'd be right back. Meanwhile, Gabanna thought it would be a good idea to go on a Hitler rampage and wake up all the freshman by screaming "get in formation!" My phonecall quickly got interrupted by Gabanna charging at me screaming "GO GO GO!" Somehow we safely made it back to the boys dorm without getting caught. I threw on JP's oversized t-shirt and crawled into bed.
 

The morning after. 

I woke up uncomfortable and realized that I had spent the night using JP's arm as my pillow. Gabanna was in the bed across from me and gave me the "let's get the hell out of here" look. I looked out the window and realized damn, we're on an island.

Matty came into the room and saw me in my over-sized shirt.
"You're wearing my shirt!"
"No, this is JP's shirt. Why would this be yours?"
"Because this is my room."
"No this is JP's room...he has surfboard--"

BEEP BEEP BEEP!!

The fire alarm. Gabanna and I started to freak out knowing we were screwed. We quickly grabbed our bags and bolted out of the room. As we ran down the staircase Matty screamed, "Hey! I want my shirt back!"

We ran out the side door only to find about 50 guys dressed in uniform staring at us. Let me remind you that I was wearing an over-sized t-shirt, huge sunglasses (to hide my identity), and my hair looked like Mufasa's mane from the Lion King.
 
Worst walk of shame ever. 

Moral of the story:
- Don't get sloppy. 
- Don't get smuggled into dorms.
- You can only have multiple guys with multiple floors.
- Always have a buddy system. You don't want to get stuck on an island alone.