GABANNA

You’re in the Friend Zone, Get Used to it. 

I’ve been friends with Roger for over two years. I first met him when he played soccer with my brother, and I re-met him years later when I was a server for a catering company over the summer. One night we were cleaning up and he asked me to go see a movie with him. I went, and we wound up talking throughout most of it (really talking, get your mind out of the gutters people). After he took me for pizza, and he paid for everything. We had a nice conversation talking about work and making fun of our boss. He dropped me off back home and didn’t try to kiss me. 

We hung out the rest of summer and kept in touch when we went back to school. Although we were friends we ended up hooking up a few times (alcohol didn’t help the fact that I was trying to keep him in the friend zone). He came up to visit once, and we went out with a bunch of friends and had a good time. We were both seeing other people at school and we talked about it openly with one another. Every time I talked to Roger he had a different girl on his arm; he definitely did not have a problem with the ladies. However, they all ended in disaster because he kept turning them away when they tried to get close to him.

I knew that Roger really liked me, and I also knew that I didn’t like him that way. Honestly, the kid drove me up a wall. He was always making fun of me and talking about my bad taste in guys. I basically considered him to be my best friend. I would call him at 3am whenever I got drunk and needed to talk to someone and he would calm me down off of my rants and tell me to focus on something so I could go to sleep. About six months after we had been talking I initiated the “no kissing rule.” I told him it was because he was being mean to me, but I was starting to feel bad about leading him on and hoped that this would help move him into the friend zone. 

Obviously he wasn’t happy about it. And it’s not like we saw each other a lot anyway, it was really only when we were home from breaks and I would make him run errands with me that I needed to get done before I went back to school. Once we came back for summer break he was only home for two weeks before he went to soccer camp in Hawaii. We Skyped while he was away and still called each other in the middle of the night. 

While he was away I started dating a guy, Brendan. Roger was not happy about it, and voiced his opinion every chance he got, such as when he called me at 6am to leave me drunk voicemails about it. Throughout my relationship with Brendan Roger and I still talked, though not as much as we used to. He also started dating someone, and we were both busy with school and our lives. About six months after Brendan and I started dating we broke up (more on that later), and Roger wound up transferring colleges and ended things with his girlfriend. 

Naturally I went back to my ways of calling him in the middle of the night demanding that he talk to me and help me deal with my problems. I realize now that I abused our friendship. I knew he cared enough to help me, but I didn’t understand that it was hurting him seeing me get upset over other guys when he wanted to be with me. 

He Broke Up With Me 
A few weeks ago while I was drunken texting him, he told me he couldn’t do it anymore. “I’m sick of listening you talk about asshole guys who don’t care about you when I would treat you the way you want to be treated.” Yeah, but that’s not what I want. 

I nearly had a breakdown on the train. I immediately called him and cursed him out; Dolce watched in astonishment as I went on a rampage telling him he couldn’t just stop being my friend. Now I know what you’re thinking: you love him. Of course I do, but I’m not in love with him. There’s a huge difference; trust me, I know. 

It’s frustrating for me because he was in the friend zone for two years and didn’t say anything about it before. He never tried to stop me from calling or told me that he couldn’t handle being my friend, so I never saw anything wrong with what I was doing. 

So I lost my best friend. I mean yeah, I still call him in the middle of the night and yell at him for not answering, and occasionally he’ll text me back. We have soberly talked about our relationship, and it isn’t fair for me to abuse his friendship like I have been. I now understand the frustration that my ex Chris went through when he wanted to be friends, but I found it too hard. 

My Advice: 
-Give them space. I know that staying away from my ex when I needed time to get over him was really helpful.

-Don’t drunken dial them. Trust me- I’m the Queen of leaving voicemails for people. They probably won’t appreciate being woken up (I know I never am when I receive those lovely phone calls at 5am). 

-If you can’t handle being friends with someone, let them know. He led me to believe that we were both fine with where we were because he never told me any different. I may have good instincts, but I’m not psychic. Say how you feel. 

-Keep in touch (soberly). Asking them every once in a while how they are shows you still care, and hopefully when they’re ready they will come back to you

DOLCE 

Take a Risk…You Never Know

Truth or Dare? You can always be safe and go with a truth because if you need to lie you can most likely get away with it, but why not the risk of a dare? Sometimes we need to be dared into things because something good can come from it...This is my story.

My best friend Kim and her boyfriend were visiting and I decided to take them to the beach. We packed a picnic, hopped in the Jeep, and drove on down. I didn't mind being the third wheel because they're such an easy couple to hang out with. Funny thing is when it comes to me getting dating advice...they are my gurus.

I updated them on what was going on in my world. I confessed that even though I was dating a few different guys, I needed someone new and refreshing. It was like God was listening because just like that this handsome guy comes walking down the beach. (When does that happen? Really?) He put down his stuff not too far from us and went off on a jog.

"You want someone new? I dare you to go up to him and start a conversation," Kim said.

For some reason I was actually nervous (which is not like me at all). Yeah, let me just walk up to this person and say "the weather's beautiful today huh?" I wasn't feeling it.

After he jogged back I was trying to talk myself into going up to him. However, Kim and her boy chanting "do it, do it, do it" wasn't helping. But just like that he grabbed his stuff and started to leave the beach. Dammit.

I couldn't lose a dare so we packed up our stuff and followed him back to the parking lot. Conveniently, Kim and her boy had to "use the bathroom," which gave me a chance to make my move. As luck would have it he was parked right next to my Jeep.

Words of advice: You can always win a guy over with "car talk." One good thing I picked up from my ex is my knowledge of cars and trucks. From 5 years of hearing about what’s under the hood, I could go on for hours. Ask your dad or brother for a few keywords to throw out in case you're at a car show with a hottie. Boys love the fact that I can rock a pink Burberry coat and talk the talk. It really "revs their engine" (sorry, I had to).

I could tell he put a lot of money into his Subaru WRX so I casually walked by and said "nice ride, 5 speed?"
He was impressed and chirped right back, "yeah, you're good...Is that your Jeep?" I was in.
"Yea, it’s a 5 speed too. It's lifted with 31's but I'm saving up for 33's."

Done and done.

His name was Matt. He was 24, from NY (but works in NH), and visiting for his birthday. After 2 minutes of small talk he got my number and convinced me to come out that night to celebrate.

So I met him that night. He was cuter then I remembered, more than excited to see me, and an excellent kisser.

Moral of the story: take a risk, go with dare.