DOLCE

A "Real" Man

When you think of the word “man” what adjectives come to mind? Strong, masculine, protector, scruffy, rough (ok now it’s getting a little dirty). Nowadays these so-called “men” are getting less like Arnold Schwarzenegger and more like “The Real Housewives of Orange County.”

We all have our types. My type is a guy who likes sports, knows what he’s doing under the hood (of cars…dirty minds), is spontaneous, tries to eat more wings than I can (not boneless, I’m not a little bitch), is not afraid to jump into the ocean in late May with me, and a few tattoos is always a plus. Sounds reasonable right? Guess it’s too much to ask for because this is what I got instead.

Meet Dane: 25, tall, and looked like a “Ken” doll.

Dane worked in the city doing finance. I met him in the city at Santacon while I was dressed as an elf. I guess the costume made quite an impression because he couldn’t wait to take me out the next week.

I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt

We met in the city on Sunday and I dressed a little bit classier this time around. We agreed to meet in Times Square at the Applebees bar. Oddly I was the one that was early (that NEVER happens). While I waited I ordered a beer and watched the Jets game on TV. In the midst of me cursing out the television in walks Dane fashionably late in his white button down shirt, khakis, and leather loafers (dude its Sunday…I debated wearing leggings to meet you and decided jeggings were good).

Since my drink had already been paid for from the creepy 40-year old guy sitting across the bar from me, Dane just ordered his own drink. Conversation got off to a rough start. He knew a little about football but had no interest in staying for the end of the game. As we walked out of the bar the 40- year old creeper whispers to me “He’s a loser you can do better” as he pointed to himself.

Dane really had no interest in sports whatsoever. I thought, “well what are we going to talk about…shoes?”

I spoke too soon.

As we passed by a storefront full of stilettos Dane stopped to look and claimed that he loves shoes. I looked down at my Steve Madden wedges and said, “yea, I’m really into wedges this season.”

The only thing a guy should think of when he hears the word “wedge” is a “wedgie” or a “wedge of cheese," seriously.

“Yea wedges are nice but I like stilettos better; they’re hotter. They make a girls legs look so much longer.”

Oh I’m sorry a girls? Do you want to wear them instead?

I started to get sucked into the conversation, which evolved into bags (he bought his sister one for Christmas), clothes (he owns everything Banana Republic), and sport coats (he wanted to go shopping with me to find a couple that looked good on him).

Runaway Baby

After dinner we ended up in Central Park and sat at a bench by the zoo. After 5 minutes of talking he grabbed my face and pressed his mouth up against mine. Well, at least he was an excellent kisser.

After a decent matter of time of doing that we walked around the park. It was after dusk and the hoodlums were out and about. I noticed a couple of creepers but kept my eyes straight forward and my arm wrapped around Danes. A girl loves when she feels that her guy can protect her. Dane on the other hand turns to me and says “I’m getting really scared; I know you’re wearing heels but we need to get out of here soon or I’m going to start running!” And leave me here? What a gentleman.

“Don’t worry, I know the way out and they won’t touch us, I got you.”

We made our way out unharmed (thanks to me), got into a cab, and headed back to Penn Station? Nope, Grand Central. Yes ladies and gentleman I took his ass back to his train (he lived in CT). As I sat alone on the Subway back to Penn I thought “was that a date?”

I went out with him another time after that but let’s just say I really don’t like dating a guy that knows more about shoes than I do. Turns out the kid and I had clothes and kissing in common but that was pretty much it.

He still continues to text me every 4 days. I guess the “me not responding thing” isn’t a big enough hint.

Moral of the Story:

- If a guy knows more about this season’s trends more than you do, RUN.

- You know when you click with someone…don’t settle.

- Kissing is not a good enough reason to keep seeing someone (I know, I learned that the hard way).

- A guy should be the one fighting off the creepers not leaving you in the dust as he takes off.

- Only a gentleman will walk you to your train. Don’t make my mistake.