DOLCE

Ok Stupid

You’ll hear girls say time and time again “where do we go to meet guys?” After my big break-up I was asking my best friend Kim (who had a date every weekend for the next 3 months) the same question.

Her answer? Okcupid.

I know what you’re thinking, and I was feeling sketchy about it too. Kim however told me that it was more normal than you’d think and if anything it was a huge ego boost. As I sat there unconvinced, she and her friend Brandon picked a picture of me off of Facebook and started filling out my Okcupid profile.

Eff my life.

Two hours later I had a mailbox full of messages. After going through most that consisted of “hey sexy, how you doin,” I found that there were a couple of decent looking guys that took a wittier approach to messaging me.

The next day Gabanna came over to go to the beach. Knowing I didn’t want to do this “online dating” thing alone I signed her up and convinced her to try it with me.

Here’s some info and tips on online dating:

-          Okcupid is a free website that is very popular amongst people in their 20’s-30’s.

-          Never put any provocative and/or revealing pictures of you on it. It attracts the wrong attention (even the innocent picture of you at the beach).

-          Every other guy on the site has a picture with no shirt on. I don’t get it.

-          There are actually some normal guys on it. It’s very popular in the city because it’s hard to meet new people so they turn to this.

-          A lot of guys use it to get laid. Honestly, it’s gross.

-          I used the “Facebook” test after I decided I would give them a shot, then you get a chance to see if they’re a weirdo. (You’ll notice that the pictures on their Okcupid profile don’t always match the ones they’re tagged in on Facebook.)

The Date.

I agreed to a date with one guy. We talked for a little online and he seemed really cool so I decided to give him a shot.

Meet Mike: 23, a little quirky but liked to party, and lived 10 minutes away.

We met at Chipotle for lunch. After we got our food and sat down at a table he began to talk and talk and talk. How did the guy attempt to swoon me?

“So I saw on your Facebook that your best friend is this girl Gabanna. I’ve seen her on Okcupid before too. It’s funny I messaged her a while ago. We talked for a little bit but then she stopped answering me. I don’t know why. She seemed really cool.”

Really bro? You’re going to talk about my best friend on our date?

Mike really had no filter. After admitting that he stalked my Facebook he also told me that he found the link to my blog. Yup, this blog.

“So I see you write this blog. I like it, you guys are funny. Since you give advice I want your opinion on something. I met this girl a while ago and was supposed to have a date with her a few days ago. That day I didn’t hear from her but figured I’d see her later that night. I was taking her to a really nice restaurant and then she never showed up. She stood me up! I haven’t heard from her since! I want to leave her a voicemail and tell her what she’s missing out on. I mean who does that!? I want to make her feel bad about it.”

You can tell the guy hasn’t dated much.

“I mean that sucks and all but I wouldn’t leave her a 5 minute voicemail about what she’s ‘missing out on.’ If I heard that I’d think 'what a weirdo, glad I didn’t go out on the date.' I’d just text her or forget about it. Shit happens.” Glad to know I was on the date with Mr. Revenge.

“No, I think I’m going to leave her the voicemail.”

After 20 more minutes of him listing off his resume, I told him I was meeting my friends at the mall.

“Oh, I dropped off my car at the gas station for an inspection, mind giving me a ride?” You’ve got to be kidding me. I drove him over and walked him over to the shop to make sure his car was ready. You’d think the guy would’ve walked me back to my car right? Nope. Instead he gave me a hug and as he pulled away he said “I think we’re going to be really good friends. We should all hang out; I’ll bring my friend and you bring Gabanna.”

Let’s just say I never talked to him again. He texted me a few times after the date but I was short and seemed not at all interested in whatever he was saying. I was jealous of the girl who stood him up; she didn’t lose an hour of her day and got a hilarious voicemail to listen to. Damn.

Moral of the Story:

Not too long after the date I deleted my Okcupid account. I had nothing against it but I’d rather meet guys in person. People come off totally different online. If you’re a social person to begin with, date in real life. If you’re secluded and need a little push, try it out. It doesn’t hurt.