That Party Last Night was Awfully Crazy
Think you can party like a rockstar? Do your parties
include swimming in skivvies and vampire bites? Oh no? Then you probably can’t
party like a rockstar. Here’s one of our crazier nights from this summer.
One night Dolce got a text from her current hookup
JP saying that we should go out with him and some of his friends at the bars by
his house. Never one to turn down a good time Dolce and I got ready and headed
out to meet up with JP and his friend Robby, who had recently broken up with
his boyfriend and apparently was now into me. And no readers, I did not confuse
“boyfriend” with “girlfriend.” Robby was bisexual and had just ended a 6 month
long relationship with a man and was now convinced that I was the girl for him.
I however, was not so sure…but more on that later.
After a few hours of partying at the bars JP told us
that he was having an after-party and that we could crash there since his
parents weren’t home. With the promises of free beer and snacks we piled into
cabs and were on our way.
Upon our arrival at JP’s we found Robby and several
others who had gone on ahead already in the pool. Since no one had bathing
suits most people had stripped down to their “skivvies” (as our British friends
would say) and just jumped right in. Dolce and I looked at each other as JP
began pulling at her shirt and Robby started chasing me around the pool trying
to get me out of my clothes. I did the most logical thing I could think of and
just jumped right in, fully clothed. I popped up out of the water to see JP
throwing a skivvy-clad Dolce into the pool as a now skivvy-less Robby
practically landed on my head.
Half drowned; I swam through the swarm of people and
grabbed a now blue Dolce.
“I’m fr-freezing,” she shivered. “JP get us towels
before we die of hypothermia!”
“Ugh,” he grumbled as he walked inside to save us
from freezing.
Once we were warmly wrapped in our towels we decided
that we were hungry. Since JP and Dolce were kind of dating I took free reign
of his refrigerator and helped myself to a carton of ice cream, which Dolce and
I went at with some spoons. Really now, who needs bowls? Apparently JP did not
appreciate our lack of classiness and took away our carton of ice cream.
“Awww mannnn!”
“Oh shut up,” he said as he walked away.
I turned to Dolce and realized she was half asleep.
“I’m tired, let’s go to bed.” We ventured upstairs and found our way into JP’s
room. Luckily for us he had a twin bed, but also a trundle that pulled out
underneath it. As I started pulling out the bed Dolce began rummaging through
his drawers for something to sleep in.
“What the hell are you two doing?” Dolce and I
turned and saw JP and Robby staring at us. We were probably a sight, since
Dolce was still in her skivvies and I was wrapped in a towel since I had taken
off my soaking wet clothes and left them in a pile on the living room floor.
“Getting pajamas, duh.” Dolce said as she put on an
oversized t-shirt.
“I need some too!” I cried. Ten seconds later a pair
of bathing suit bottoms and a Lifeguard t-shirt was in my lap.
“I’m supposed to sleep in a bathing suit?”
“I wore that t-shirt to the gym today.”
Oh Dolce, you’re so helpful. I clearly didn’t care
about wearing the dirty shirt and pulled it on anyway, and after JP finished shaking
his head at me he promptly threw me at Robby and slammed the door in my face.
“Snuggles!” Robby yelled and dragged me off to JP’s parents’
room.
As we all know, I love snuggles. With me being the
little spoon I tried to fall asleep as Robby began to talk my ear off. We did
have a pretty interesting conversation about our lives and families and such,
until he told me that he really liked me but felt bad because he was good
friends with my ex, Brandon. Now if I had been in the mood to hook-up, this would
definitely have killed the moment. I decided that I didn’t want to snuggle
anymore and demanded that he go check on Dolce. After a few minutes of me
complaining he went and said that she was asleep and JP was gone. I immediately
jumped out of the bed as he reached for me and ran down the hall.
“DOLCE!” I yelled as I jumped on her. She groaned
and rolled over. Typical Dolce; she’s extremely crabby if you try to wake her
up. “Wake upppp I’m not tiredddd I need yo-AHH” I ducked as she tried to swat
me away. “Ugh you suck,” I muttered as I walked out of the room and directly
into JP.
“What happened to you?!” I demanded as I looked at
him. He had a huge bite mark on his face and was bleeding.
“Olive bit me. She does it all the time.” Olive was
one of the girls who was at the party when we got there. She apparently had a
lot to drink because she had been running around in her barely-there skivvies
all night and refused her towel when it was offered to her.
“Is she a vampire?” I asked as I dragged him into the
bathroom to help him clean up.
“Apparently.” JP said as Robby came in with blood on
his neck. Mental note: stay the hell away from this Olive person.
After getting the boys all cleaned up Robby said he
had to go since he had work in the morning. After dodging his attempt at a
good-night kiss I was left with JP and two of his friends from the Naval
Academy. Once again I decided that I was going to raid his refrigerator and
started digging for something to eat besides the nasty packages of frozen
vegetables in his freezer. JP tried to tell me that his mom hadn’t gone food
shopping and there was nothing good to eat in the house when I screamed.
“PIZZA ROLLS BITCHES!! YESSSSSSS!” I danced around
the kitchen holding the box to my chest as the boys stared at me like I was
insane. Let’s be honest, with the amount I had drank that night, I probably
was. After devouring my precious pizza rolls and seeing that it was now 5am I
decided that we should probably go to sleep. I crawled into bed with Dolce and
told JP that he could snuggle with his boys in his parent’s bed because I was
not staying in there with them. After possibly one of the nastiest looks I have
ever received he left and I immediately passed out. What felt like minutes
later but was really a few hours I was shaken awake by Dolce.
“Gabanna….why are you in bed with me? Where’s JP?”
“Well good morning to you too. Rude. He’s down the
hall.”
“Let’s go jump on him!” Groaning, I allowed her to
pull me down the hall and we walked into his parent’s room and saw him and his
friend passed out in bed together. After looking at the clock and realizing
that it was 9:30 and yelling that we had to get McDonald’s breakfast because it
was the only thing to cure our hangovers, JP threw his keys at us and told us
to leave him alone but to bring him back a Sausage McMuffin. Looking at each
other, we took the keys and headed downstairs. After debating who was the least
hung-over, I climbed into the driver’s seat of JP’s car and Dolce pulled out
her iPhone to figure out how to get to McDonalds. Unfortunately for us the
phone only had about 7% battery left which led to us guessing which direction
McDonald’s was in, and we naturally got lost for about 45 minutes. (Okay fine,
we weren’t hung-over, we were probably still a little bit tipsy…)
After freaking out that we were going to miss it, we
finally saw those beautiful golden arches. Thank god. We placed our order and
drove back to JP’s.
“Where the hell have you guys been? McDonalds is 5
minutes away, you’ve been gone for almost an hour.”
“Don’t ask. Here’s your Sausage McMuffin.” Dolce
said.
“Where’s the eggs? This is just sausage on an
English muffin.”
Dolce and I cracked up that we had screwed up his
order as he continued to stare at us like we were insane (apparently it was a trend
that night).
Moral
of the Story:
-You don’t party like rockstars. We do. #winning.
-Make sure to bring your own snacks; people might
not always have pizza rolls
-Charge your phone before going on an adventure; you
don’t want to miss McDonald’s breakfast because you got lost
-Always stick with your buddy. They guy might be mad at you for cockblocking, but at least you weren't stuck hanging with his weird friends.
