DOLCE

You were in Love? I Don't Care

The past makes us who we are; we make mistakes and we learn from them. However, it is not always smart to bring the past into the present...especially on a date.

Meet Jay: 21, hot hot hot, and worked as a chef.

He was witty, sarcastic, funny and just what I needed at the time. I was still talking to Seth, but his "I don't like to share" attitude had me wanting to rebel...and Jay was the perfect escape. It turns out Jay was very impressed with my knowledge of trucks and got my number as soon as he found out I was into drummers. (He loved to "jam" as he put it). We texted here and there and it wasn't too long (24 hours) until he asked me out.

Jay and I went to the park to get to know each other. You know how making conversation with some people is like pulling teeth? With Jay there wasn't a moment of silence...but a moment might have been nice. He started talking about his past relationship. Sure it’s ok to have the quick discussion of what you've been through, but it’s important not to dwell on the past because you don't want to freak the other person out.

For example:
Me- "Yeah, so I was in a 5 year relationship” (usually I get the "oh my god!" response.) He's 24 now and never tried to get a job or go to school. I just got tired of waiting for him to become someone and moved on." Quick, simple, honest, and good reasoning on my part.

Jay on the other hand had a different story.

Jay- "I was with my ex for a while and everything was going great but we realized we met each other too soon. So we decided to break up and meet other people so we don’t regret it later on in life. However, we plan on getting back together in a couple years. We are in love and want to get married…we just can’t do it now because people will think we’re stupid.

WHAT?! Just as I thought, he was too good to be true.

…And if that wasn’t enough to freak me out he continued.

“But if me and you work out I don’t want you to be threatened by her. I want to give us a chance but I want you to know my situation with her.” (Reminding you this is a first date.)

Not only was I weirded out by his future plans with his ex, but the fact that he was already considering us becoming an item. (Dude, relax, I just met you.)

Blunt Dolce came out at that point. I wasn't sure if I was more angry with the fact that he told me his “happy ending scheme” or that he actually believed that B.S. Boys and girls, if you actually believe that life works out that perfectly, you're in for a rude awakening. Believe me, I grew up watching the Disney movies and was all for fairy tales until I realized it doesn't work that way.

The thing that Jay didn't realize was that when you plan out your future like that, you never open yourself up to meet new people. And what I predicted (which eventually came true, thank you very much) was that his ex was going to go out and meet new people and eventually forget all about this promise with Jay. Your first love is someone you'll never forget. But when you fall in love a second time you fall a lot harder. All it does is suck for the other person in this "promise" that hasn't found anyone else yet.

You need to take everything day by day. It's good to plan the future but you never know what's going to happen and who you are going to meet. Things change whether we like it or not. I think back to my 5-year relationship when I wore a promise ring and had a wedding song picked out and how that didn't happen. As much as I miss it, I'm finally living and accepted change.

I’m not trying to be a cynical bitch here, but it’s rare that this “meeting later on” plan actually works out. If you’re happy with the person you’re with, the thoughts of being with others shouldn’t matter. Who cares what people say or what people think? Who cares what “your number” is? Who cares if you’ve only been in love once? Quite frankly, if you have been in love once, you’re pretty damn lucky. So if you are in love and you’re not hitting any roadblocks, don’t let anything get in your way.

However, if you are having second thoughts…get out of there.

My advice

Don't plan too far ahead. Prince Charming will come eventually for you single (or about to be single ones)...and before he does, live a little.

As for Jay, he had to take my advice by learning the hard way. I can tell he still misses his ex, but he's open to finally starting to meet new people. We started talking again...but just as friends.