DOLCE
You Look Old Enough to be my Father
Age
is just a number right? Yes and no. I keep my options open but I'm not looking
to date someone that could've been my babysitter.
Thursday nights over the summer meant going to the beach bar for dancing and drinks with the girls. Besides the line to get in the place and the disgusting amount of guidos, it was a fun time. My girls and I love to dance. Dom Mazzetti is 100% right in his video "Dom Vs Drunk Girls" when he says "I'm trying to get my grind on because I don't want to look gay, but all they wanted to do was dance with each other." As much as we LOVE to dance on you guys that have no rhythm whatsoever and get a little too excited (if you know what I mean) when we drop it low...we'd rather dance with each other. Not to sound cocky but I know how to "drop it like its hott" and I've only found a select few guys that can keep up.
A few beers and a couple of "I'm not dancing with you's" later, I started to get a little fed up. Not only do these guidos surround you while fist pumping, but they don't take no for an answer. This one guy could've taken an eye out with his hair. He was about 3 inches shorter than me and his hair looked like Sonic the Hedgehog. The wrinkles on his face didn't make him anymore attractive. Too many hours in the tanning bed bro?
Thursday nights over the summer meant going to the beach bar for dancing and drinks with the girls. Besides the line to get in the place and the disgusting amount of guidos, it was a fun time. My girls and I love to dance. Dom Mazzetti is 100% right in his video "Dom Vs Drunk Girls" when he says "I'm trying to get my grind on because I don't want to look gay, but all they wanted to do was dance with each other." As much as we LOVE to dance on you guys that have no rhythm whatsoever and get a little too excited (if you know what I mean) when we drop it low...we'd rather dance with each other. Not to sound cocky but I know how to "drop it like its hott" and I've only found a select few guys that can keep up.
A few beers and a couple of "I'm not dancing with you's" later, I started to get a little fed up. Not only do these guidos surround you while fist pumping, but they don't take no for an answer. This one guy could've taken an eye out with his hair. He was about 3 inches shorter than me and his hair looked like Sonic the Hedgehog. The wrinkles on his face didn't make him anymore attractive. Too many hours in the tanning bed bro?
He
really tried to lay on the moves and impress his friends but I obviously wasn't
going to let that happen.
"Hey baby, let's dance and then I'll buy you a drink."
"No, I'm good."
"Come on honey, I can show you a good time."
"Really,
no thanks."
"Come on baby!"
"Come on baby!"
"Not only do I not want to
dance with you, but you look old enough to be my father."
That killed his ego. Not only did my
friends get a kick out of my diss but even his friends laughed. The cutest one
of the bunch even came up and shook my hand. Score.
Meet
Cam: he was 27, a contractor, and very, very good-looking.
He instantly offered to buy me a drink, saying I got his friend good because he just turned 34. Cam said he was 27, lived on his own, and was high up in his company. After some small talk I decided to give the kid a chance and dance with him. To my surprise he knew what he was doing and even snuck a kiss…or five...but who's counting?
Small talk turned into more drinks, exchanging numbers, and a plan for a dinner date that weekend. As the night drew to dawn I gave my new crush a kiss goodbye and went to go hunt down the girls.
The next morning I woke up to a "good morning" text and we talked back and forth the whole day confirming the details for our date on Sunday. He was consistent with his cute text messages and wanted to get together before our dinner date. Since he was so persistent I thought I'd add him on Facebook.
Let's be real. We live in the 21st century and we all feel the need to stalk. Facebook is a fun and easy way to see how our so-called "friends" (when we haven't talked to most of them since high school) live their lives at every second. We think we know them so well because of this constant need to read our news-feed and look through their photo albums of them drunk that past weekend.
However, it's a great way to see how normal people are. Since I was a little tipsy last time Cam and I met, I thought it would be smart to see if we had any friends in common. Turns out one of my best friends older sister was our only connection.
Liar Liar Pants on Fire.
I sent a text to my friend letting her know I had a hot date with her sister’s friend. To my surprise I got a phone call 20 minutes later.
"Hey Dolce it's Maria. My sis told me you hooked up with Cam. That's so funny! We dated back in High School and used to sneak around.”
He instantly offered to buy me a drink, saying I got his friend good because he just turned 34. Cam said he was 27, lived on his own, and was high up in his company. After some small talk I decided to give the kid a chance and dance with him. To my surprise he knew what he was doing and even snuck a kiss…or five...but who's counting?
Small talk turned into more drinks, exchanging numbers, and a plan for a dinner date that weekend. As the night drew to dawn I gave my new crush a kiss goodbye and went to go hunt down the girls.
The next morning I woke up to a "good morning" text and we talked back and forth the whole day confirming the details for our date on Sunday. He was consistent with his cute text messages and wanted to get together before our dinner date. Since he was so persistent I thought I'd add him on Facebook.
Let's be real. We live in the 21st century and we all feel the need to stalk. Facebook is a fun and easy way to see how our so-called "friends" (when we haven't talked to most of them since high school) live their lives at every second. We think we know them so well because of this constant need to read our news-feed and look through their photo albums of them drunk that past weekend.
However, it's a great way to see how normal people are. Since I was a little tipsy last time Cam and I met, I thought it would be smart to see if we had any friends in common. Turns out one of my best friends older sister was our only connection.
Liar Liar Pants on Fire.
I sent a text to my friend letting her know I had a hot date with her sister’s friend. To my surprise I got a phone call 20 minutes later.
"Hey Dolce it's Maria. My sis told me you hooked up with Cam. That's so funny! We dated back in High School and used to sneak around.”
“Hahaha that’s crazy!”
“I know! We hooked up when I was a freshman, and I would sneak out of my house and he would pick me up.”
“I know! We hooked up when I was a freshman, and I would sneak out of my house and he would pick me up.”
“Wait…what?
Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but usually you don’t have a license as a
freshman.”
“He
was a senior.”
“Wait
WHAT?!”
“You
know he’s 31 right?”
"31!? He said he was 27! Are you sure?"
"Yeah, he's older than me! He lied? Busted!"
Busted was right. I guess my "you look old enough to be my father" comment didn't only scare his friend. It's one thing if he's older, but I don't like liars. So after he added me back on Facebook I took action.
"Hey so we're officially Facebook friends. You know Maria?"
"Yeah, I think we went to high school together."
"Oh really? I'm best friends with her younger sister."
“Yea I think she’s younger than me. Small world.”
"31!? He said he was 27! Are you sure?"
"Yeah, he's older than me! He lied? Busted!"
Busted was right. I guess my "you look old enough to be my father" comment didn't only scare his friend. It's one thing if he's older, but I don't like liars. So after he added me back on Facebook I took action.
"Hey so we're officially Facebook friends. You know Maria?"
"Yeah, I think we went to high school together."
"Oh really? I'm best friends with her younger sister."
“Yea I think she’s younger than me. Small world.”
“Younger
than you? She’s 28. I thought you said you were 27.”
A few minutes passed by.
"I know, I'm sorry. I lied. I'm 29."
"29? You sure?”
A few more minutes...
"Alright I’m 31. I'm so sorry; I didn't mean to lie to you. You're just so beautiful and interesting and I was convinced you wouldn't give me a chance."
"I know I was harsh to your friend but you didn't have to lie...twice."
"I guess our date is out of the question then huh?"
"I'm going to have to think about it."
As apologetic as he was via text I was pretty turned off. Sure I have my blonde moments, but I'm not a fool (you really think you would’ve got away with that one bro?). He was 10 years older than me. At 31 most people know their biological clock is ticking and I was not ready to be wifed up (or just a booty call). I ended up going on a date that weekend...but it wasn't with him.
My advice.
- Don't lie. You will always get caught (especially when we have things like Facebook).
- Age is just a number but it's good to have an ideal limit in your head. If you're looking for anything serious you want someone that is on your level. When hanging out with their group of friends you don't want to feel out of the loop (or like jail-bait).
- Be ballsy. I had no problem telling off Cam's friend. Next time a guido is bothering you at the bar, have some fun telling him to eff off.
A few minutes passed by.
"I know, I'm sorry. I lied. I'm 29."
"29? You sure?”
A few more minutes...
"Alright I’m 31. I'm so sorry; I didn't mean to lie to you. You're just so beautiful and interesting and I was convinced you wouldn't give me a chance."
"I know I was harsh to your friend but you didn't have to lie...twice."
"I guess our date is out of the question then huh?"
"I'm going to have to think about it."
As apologetic as he was via text I was pretty turned off. Sure I have my blonde moments, but I'm not a fool (you really think you would’ve got away with that one bro?). He was 10 years older than me. At 31 most people know their biological clock is ticking and I was not ready to be wifed up (or just a booty call). I ended up going on a date that weekend...but it wasn't with him.
My advice.
- Don't lie. You will always get caught (especially when we have things like Facebook).
- Age is just a number but it's good to have an ideal limit in your head. If you're looking for anything serious you want someone that is on your level. When hanging out with their group of friends you don't want to feel out of the loop (or like jail-bait).
- Be ballsy. I had no problem telling off Cam's friend. Next time a guido is bothering you at the bar, have some fun telling him to eff off.
