GABANNA 

When Creepers Attack

Once upon a Boardy Barn I got plastered and some creeper took advantage of the fact that I was apparently a two beer queer that day.

For those of you who don’t know Boardy Barn is an all day drinking event where you get drunk off of two dollar beers and cover one another with smiley face stickers. You take the train out east, hop in a cab and sneak drinks until they let you inside. So after coffee’s spiked with cookie dough vodka, a handful of mini bottles on line and chugging beers once inside, we can say that I was feeling pretty good.

I was standing near the bar when I was approached by some hot-shot in stunna shades. We looked at each other and as I turned back to my friends he was suddenly in my face.

“Hey gorgeous. What’s your name?”

“Gabanna, you?” figuring I should be nice to the guy.

“Joe. You’re hot,” he said as he slapped my ass.

Umm, excuse me? That is off limits. I chose to ignore it as he continued to question me about myself.

“Are you from here?

“I live in East. You?”

His jaw dropped and I knew immediately where he was from.

“You’re from West?!” His smirk confirmed that he was from my rival high school and we immediately started bashing one another about whose team was better.  My friends looked on in shock as Joe and I got in a screaming match about something that happened almost six years ago.

Finally he said, “See you later sweetheart” and with another slap of the ass he was gone.

…or so I thought

Several hours later I was feeling even more intoxicated when those stunna shades suddenly appeared in my face again.

“Miss me?”

“Ugh deff not. What the hell are you doing?!” I yelled as he snatched my phone out of my hand. Before I knew it he was calling himself. “I am soooo screwed,” I thought to myself.

“Bye gorgeous,” he said with a wink and another slap and then he was gone.

The Ultimate Stalker

The next day I woke up with a text from “Joe BB” saying goodmorning. And a friend request on Facebook. Yeah, scary.  After texting my friends to figure out who this kid was (since I had no recollection whatsoever) we finally figured it out.

For the next month he continued texting me asking me out and telling me how hot I was. Unfortunately for me Dolce and I ran into him one night when we were out. He told me how hot I was and how lucky I was that he was going to take me out.

Needless to say I used him to buy us beer and shots and refused to talk to that cocky asshole when he texted me the next day.

Moral of the Story

As creepy as this guy was, thankfully he wasn’t an actual stalker. I should have immediately shut him down when he first grabbed my ass but was too inebriated to really do anything about it. I also should have not accepted his friend request on Facebook, and I have deleted him since we stopped talking. Luckily for me he wasn’t too sketchy and I did get free shots out of him; it’s important to know who you’re talking to and to make sure that you have someone you trust around you to watch over the situation. 

DOLCE

Make your Mark

You know in those romantic comedies when the couple that took up 2 hours of your time finally kiss at the end of a movie? The camera pans around them and the violins begin to play? We all watch it and think, "that's a load of crap." Well in life the violins won't begin to play. However, sometimes during a kiss, if you're lucky, the whole world can come to a stop. Here's my story.

Gabanna and I went to Fleet Week back in the end of spring. To remind you all it ended with me waking up on a mattress, on a roof, in Manhattan. That same British sailor that fell asleep looking at the stars with me wanted to get together the following week. The next Tuesday Gabanna and I ventured back into the city  to meet the Brit and some others at a bar in Midtown.

We showed up a little early and decided to scope out the rest of the seamen that filled the bar. Drinks and shots were being handed to us when all of a sudden this handsome sailor in whites walked past us. 

"I want him." I said.
"Your Brit is going to be here in 5 minutes! Make it quick." Gabanna replied.

The sailor stood there by himself looking like a long lost puppy. I was a little nervous to approach but finally decided to make my attack.

"Hey, I'm Dolce. You look kind of lonely. That's my friend Gabanna over there. If you want to hang with us, you're more than welcome to."

Meet Mark. He was 27, a Marine, blonde, and based out of North Carolina.

We surprisingly had quite a lot in common. Before I knew it ten minutes had flown by and Gabanna interrupted us claiming the Brit has been staring me down on the opposite side of the bar for the past five minutes. I excused myself and made a run for the Brit.

Flip Flop

"Hey, I'm so sorry my cousin is here and I had to say hi." I told the Brit.

His frown quickly turned into a sigh of relief and he escorted me to the bar to grab a drink. Mark however wasn't at all my cousin. He kept approaching us starting up new conversation in attempt to compete with the Brit. All I kept thinking was "how the hell am I going to pull this one off." I stood there flip flopping back and forth until Gabanna thankfully came to help with my threes company.

When grabbing Mark to do a shot with her, Gabanna got herself into her own love triangle. The Marine that had been talking to her all night was getting jealous of Mark. Two minutes later a fight broke out in the front of the bar...Why does this always happen to us?

Thankfully the Brit made a bathroom run when the fight broke out. I was able to pull Mark out of the brawl and convince him to meet up with me later because I was going to grab dinner with some "old friends." He agreed. He took down my number, kissed my cheek goodbye, and walked out the door.

Dine and Ditch

When the Brit returned, Gabanna and I grabbed our boys and set out to the Mexican restaurant a couple blocks away. We had just got our quesadilla's when my phone went off.

"Hey, it's Mark. I have to head back to the ship now, but I would like to see you one last time before I go. We are leaving for North Carolina in the morning."

Knowing it was my one and only chance to say goodbye, I excused myself from the table claiming I had to say bye to my cousin across the street. I ran out into the torrential downpour and off to find my boy in whites. I spotted my sailor as he ran across the street and swooped me up. We were both drawn together and before I knew it his sailor hat was on my head, he was holding my face, and he kissed me. For just a whole two minutes the world came to a stop. I felt as if the cameras were panning around us capturing the romantic moment in the pouring rain. I didn't even know the kid's last name but all I kept thinking was "damn."

A bystander caught our moment, and at the end of the kiss I heard, "enjoy that moment, he's going to be leaving you."

I pulled away in complete awe and found it hard to say goodbye. He said he would be back in NY soon to visit. A part of me wanted to believe him, but I knew not to hold on to his words. As I walked away I looked back only to see him doing the same.

When I made it back to the restaurant the bill had already been settled. The rest of the night was a blur because I couldn't get that kiss out of my head. I knew it was bad territory to fall for another man in uniform. 

Meet Mark.

I heard from Mark a couple days later. We texted back and forth getting to know each other better. He was sweet, heartbroken from his ex, and was a very talented artist. Then I found out he had 2 kids, was divorced, and was re-enlisting so he could head back overseas. Not the usual story of a 27-year old you met at a bar. 

I was going to North Carolina the next month to visit family 2 1/2 hours away from where he was stationed. The question was if I wanted to keep the movie-like kiss in the credits, or see if there was a sequel. 

Moral of the Story:

- Romance can happen anywhere, as long as you open yourself up to it.
- Always expect the unexpected. 
- Don't be afraid to make the first move. What's wrong with being social if you're being polite?
- There are such things as the known "Notebook Kiss." (very rare)
- Have a good wingman/woman when pulling off a stunt like I did.
- Live in the moment. Not every moment will last.

GABANNA

Assholes > Nice Guys?

Every girl has cried over a guy wondering “why doesn’t he like me?”

Every girl has also turned down the one guy who actually cares about her because “I just don’t like him like that.”

So why do we put ourselves through the torture of dating these douchebags when we have an almost perfect guy who wants us?

I have no freaking clue.

Why do we want what we can’t have?

I have a guy in my life who every girl would dream of dating. Jamie is witty, sweet, makes me laugh and loves Dolce (gotta love the best friends). BUT I “just don’t like him like that.” Why you may ask? There are a few con’s to his long list of pro’s, but the bottom line is I could never see myself being with him in the future.

Let’s face it. As much as we all concentrate on “living in the present” and “YOLO,” most of us want to settle down eventually. Even though we all love going to the bar and having those one night hookups we still are constantly thinking about when we’re going to meet “the one.”

My asshole and my nice guy

Over the summer I was talking to Chuck and Jamie. Ideally Chuck was everything I wanted in a potential boyfriend: he was funny, good-looking and had a steady “grown-up” job as I like to call them. Jamie had the personality I loved, but not the ambition. But whereas it would take Chuck hours to answer me, Jamie and I would keep the conversation flowing all day long. He was the last person I would text when I went to sleep and the first text I would see in the morning, besides Dolce’s texts demanding that I wake up so we could go to the beach.

Everyone wants what they can’t have. Jamie was always there waiting for me and would answer me within seconds of me texting him. Chuck would take forever to answer my messages and it was impossible for us to meet up because of our opposite schedules, and lack of effort on his part. I loved hanging out with Jamie but was willing to ditch him when Chuck said that he was available since it was so hard to get together; he was the one I could see myself having a future with even though I liked Jamie more. Chuck never tried and I would constantly ask myself why I would keep trying to make an effort to see him when he never really did. He would never make plans and was “awful with his phone” (his words) but he would always tell me how much he liked me which was why I think I tried for so long.

I Want You to Want Me

With Jamie everything was natural. I was extremely open and honest with him about everything and I lied to Chuck about my goals and dreams which should have tipped me off immediately that I didn’t really like him. I just wanted to.

No one should put that amount of effort I did into liking a person. If they want to be with you they will try to make plans with you. It doesn’t matter how much they say they like you, they need to prove it.

Moral of the Story

-A lot of people have become extremely materialistic when looking for a person they want to be with. We forget that the most important thing in a significant other is their character, personality and how they treat you.

-You know what you are looking for in a person. If you can’t be open and honest with them then they’re not right for you.

-Don’t force it. Liking someone just happens; it can’t be planned out. 

DOLCE

Kicked Out

We may have disappeared for 2 weeks but we are back in action with a plethora of new material! Last week we spent our time at a beach house in Fire Island with 14 of our closest friends. Here is one unforgettable story that came out of this vacation.

Meet Cory. He’s 22, tall, athletic, and in his last semester of college. These are all the things I learned on our second meeting because I don’t remember meeting him the first time around.

Cory and I met at this wonderful place called “Boardy Barn” where he must have got my number. He was very persistent on hanging out and seemed like a nice guy. When finding out I was going to be in Fire Island for the week, we agreed to meet up at one of the local hotspots.

Cory was very charming that Saturday night. He kept up conversation, introduced himself to all of my friends, bought a round of drinks, and waited for me while I was on an hour bathroom line. We seemed to have really hit it off…and he was an excellent kisser.

Unfortunately, Cory missed the last ferry back to Long Island and was trying to figure out where his friends were going. My guilty conscious got the best of me knowing he was probably going to end up sleeping on a park bench.

“Hey, if you need a place to stay you can come to my house. I mean I’m not sleeping with you but you can sleep next to me. Oh, and I have a twin bed.”

“Are you sure? I promise we can just cuddle and sleep.”

Cory held my hand and skipped home with my friends and I. I walked him through the back door not wanting to have to explain myself to the others in the house. I got into my pajamas, kissed him goodnight, and we were both out cold. That was until…

**buzz buzz**

“Cory, your phone is ringing. It’s your mom.”

“Ignore it, it’s fine.”

It wasn’t hard for me to ignore it the first time around but the 3^rd, 5^th, and 14^th time his phone rang it was becoming impossible for me to avoid. Cory on the other hand didn’t flinch.

Then I realized I thought too soon.

Night Terrors

He must have not been used to sleeping in a twin bed let alone share one. I knew I was going to wake up with bruises everywhere and not the kinky kind. Every 5 minutes as I started to dose off I was getting slapped in the face with his arm or kicked in the shins by his feet. I was getting so angry with him that I started fighting back. On top of the World War 3 that was unconsciously breaking out in my bed, he was snoring up a symphony. Lucky Gabanna was sound asleep (or so I thought) in the twin bed across from us. After I got punched in the stomach I made a jump for her bed.

“What the hell are you doing?” She said.

“I can’t sleep, can I please sleep with you in here?”

“I can’t sleep either. He won’t stop snoring!”

We tried to close our eyes for a good two minutes but it sounded like there was a 2-ton elephant in our room, not a 22-year old boy.  

“You need to get him out Dolce!”

“It’s 5 in the morning! I’ll do it at 6.”

“We aren’t going to sleep for an hour if you don’t make him leave. I’ll do it! Just get him out!”

“Fine!”

Get the Eff Out She’s Effed Up

I walked over to Cory and shook him. He didn’t wake up so I started punching his arm. He didn’t budge until I finally stuck my finger in his ear.

“Hey, I’m so sorry but you got to go. My friend Dee has been puking all night and I need to give her my bed.”

He stared at me in disbelief.

“I mean it. I’ve been up all night taking care of her. Gabanna, go check on Dee and see if she’s ok! She’s on the couch.”

Gabanna left and walked in 2 minutes later holding Dee up. Dee, who was playing along, stumbles in with her fake eyelashes falling off, hair all over the place, and shorts half on.

“Mehhh I’m so drunk” she said as she fell face first onto Gabanna’s bed. I started fixing her hair and pulling her shorts up. “Don’t butt rape me!” She screamed. Gabanna and I burst out laughing that I had to leave the room to get back into character.

I walked back in with a cup of water and tried to hold her head up and make her drink it.

“How much did you drink?”
“I took like 10 shots! And I had 4 rocket fuels PSHUUUUU!” She screamed as she pretended to blast off like a rocket.

Cory just watched us with his mouth wide open. I grabbed Cory’s shirt, phone, and wallet and handed it to him.

“Ok, so let me walk you out.”
“Where am I going to go?”

Dee started to pretend to dry heave and Cory leapt off the bed and ran into the hallway.

“Make a left out of the block and you can find the ferry. I think there’s a 5:30 and a 6am ferry.”

“Really?” He asked. I shook my head reassuring him knowing deep down I had no clue and completely made that up on the spot.

Cory left the house and I locked the door behind him. I got back into the room, high-fived Dee and Gabanna, and crawled back into bed.  I knew I would never hear from the kid again but my sleep was more important.

Two days later I got a text from Cory. He didn’t even bring up the incident and wants to hang out ASAP. I still have no clue why.

Moral of the Story:

-       Hoes before bros. Gabanna wanted him out so I knew Cory had to go.

-       He may be a great guy but watch out for those Night Terrors. He may be unconsciously beating the crap out of you, but it’s still not right.

-       There are creative ways to kick people out without hurting too many feelings.

-       Make sure you and your friends can act and keep a straight face when pulling a stunt off like this. Thankfully Dee said some funny things that we could laugh about. However, if we didn’t keep our cool, Cory wouldn’t have bought it.

-       If he still wants to hang out with you after you kicked him out at 5 am…maybe he’s worth a second chance. Just don’t ever share a bed.

GABANNA

All Talk and No Action

So you know how there are those quotes about how best friends can’t be mad at each other for more than 10 minutes because they’ll have too much to tell one another if they stay mad? Dolce and I’s friendship is stronger than that. We talk more than most normal couples do, even to just catch up on what happened in the past two hours since we talked last.  Recently on a double date we held hands with each other more than with our dates during the scary parts.

For all those douche bags out there that think they can hookup with best friends because they’re so close: you’re wrong. Dolce and I do not share. Here’s the story about what happened when the guy I was talking to thought he could get with both of us.

James was a bouncer at one of our Friday night spots. He was tall, good looking, and totally full of himself as I would later find out.

One night Dolce and I took a cab to meet some friends at the bar that James works at. I walked up to James first since Dolce was taking her time getting out of the car. He told me that he knew me and that I didn’t have to show my ID to him. I smiled and said thanks and then told him to give Dolce a hard time.

“I got this,” he told me as she walked up to him and held out her ID.

“Do you have a second form of ID?” 

“Really!?” she yelled as she dug around in her purse for her credit card.

“Nope, no this isn’t good, do you have your library card with you?”

“DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A LIBRARY CARD!” she yelled back. Meanwhile I was dying laughing a few feet away with another bouncer. James told her he was just kidding and walked us inside and told the girl collecting money that we didn’t have to pay cover. Sweetttt.

Dolce and I found our friend Diana, who asked us how we knew James. I told her that we met him here and she told me that she had class with him and that he was a tool. Thinking nothing of it I brushed it aside and would go talk to him every once in a while and at the end of the night I got his number

We texted everyday for the next couple of weeks and he asked to take me out but were never around at the same time to actually do something. He worked all day at a camp and I usually worked nights so the only time we saw one another was when he was bouncing. He also had a beach house on the water that he invited me to go to, but I was never able to go. 

Word on the street was he had a girlfriend but according to Facebook he was single. Since I was already talking to Chuck and a few other people I brushed it off and thought “as long as I keep getting into the bar for free I don’t care who he’s dating.” We had never gone out or even kissed in the few weeks we had been talking.

Ho’s Before Bro’s

One Saturday night Dolce called me begging me to go out, but I was going to Boardy Barn the next day and had to save my strength. (For those of you who don’t know, Boardy Barn is an all day drinking party under a tent. So awesome.) So off she went with some friends and who does she bump into but James.

“Hey…do I know you?” he asked.

“Yeah you’re talking to Gabanna! I’m Dolce, remember? You asked me for my library card. Gabanna’s not out tonight because she’s being a loser; you should tell her she’s being lame.” (such a sweetheart). He did text me while they were together but I was half asleep answering him and finally passed out.

They started dancing and talking as friends until he started trying to get close. James kept grabbing her waist and trying to kiss her while Dolce kept dodging his attempts.

“You should come home with me,” James slurred, “don’t take the ferry back my house is so close just stay.”

“Do you really think I’m like that?!” she yelled. “Gabanna is my best friend. Gross, no! Buh bye.” And out the door she ran to immediately call me to tell me what a douche he was.

He attempted to text me a few times after that night, but I was short with him or ignored him and he finally gave up.

Moral of the Story

-Don’t try to get with friends. True friends won’t stab one another in the back for a hookup with a tool.

-Listen to people when they try to tell you what a douche a guy is. They might know what they’re talking about. Luckily for me I wasn’t attached to James so I didn’t care when we stopped talking. I do miss going to the bar that he worked at though. Haven’t been there in a while, but hopefully he will still let me in for free when I go… 

DOLCE

Daddy Warbucks

Ever been with someone and think “where have you been all my life?” Then the next week you’re planning your escape? Here’s the rest of my story.

You all know about Jordan, the “ginger snap.” I was dating him for a couple of weeks but nothing was official. We spent a lot of time together, but when you do that you start realizing the “little things they do.” AKA the annoying habits that you have to contemplate if you can put up with. Jordan had a few of those habits. You can tell me if they’re normal.

-        Was obnoxious towards my friends. He must’ve thought he was comfortable enough with them to make fun of them, but it was just rude.

-        Loved blasting Justin Bieber and Demi Lovato in his car. And no, I did not make him put it on.

-        Although he was a gym-head his tattoos definitely did not show the masculine side of him. Only a girl should have a hip tattoo.

-        Only drank pineapple vodkas. I just wanted a beer.

I thought I was being picky and ignored the slightly feminine characteristics he had. That was until this one day.

Daddy’s Girl Boy

I was a couple of years younger than Jordan. He used to make small jokes that I was so young and his 3 years on me made him so wise. I would put up with the jokes here and there when deep down they bothered me.

One morning he was driving me home when we stopped at a gas station to fill up his truck. He handed the gas attendant his card but unfortunately the card got declined.

“Are you freaking serious? This is ridiculous. Let me make a phone call.”

I thought he was making a phone call to the bank. Boy was I wrong.

“What the eff Dad! I just tried to use the card and it declined! What do you mean sis maxed it out?! What am I going to do now, use my card? Yea, well put money on it because this is bullshit.”

Best part? The whole conversation was on speaker. What’s even better? His sister is 5 years older than him. I wasn’t sure if I was more upset with the fact that “Daddy” gave the grown man that was moved out a credit card, or that my Dad was jipping me.

“Alright fine, put $40 on this card.” He said as he handed the gas attendant his debit card.

I looked at him in shock with my mouth wide open.

“Daddy gives you a credit card?”

“Yes. I have four cars! How else am I supposed to put gas in a V8? I can’t afford it!”

“Yea, well then if you can’t afford it, don’t have four cars. I mean I can barely afford to fill up my truck. That’s why I work two jobs. My Dad would never pay for my gas or give me a credit card.”

“Yea, well my Dad gives my sister a card so I get one too. I mean my Mom is starting to get upset about it nowadays, but I don’t understand why.”

I don’t think he’ll ever understand why. Gas wasn’t the only thing his Dad took care of. I was afraid to ask too many questions because I thought if I did my fist would end up in his face. I told him to never call me “young” again. I may have been a couple of years younger than him, but I knew how to take care of myself.

He might of looked independent from the outside but he was no Daddy Warbucks. On the other hand, his Dad was.

Moral of the Story:

-        Don’t settle. You know what you like and what you don’t like.

-        If you can stand on your own two feet you want to find someone that can do the same.

-        Age is just a number. They may be older and moved out, but Daddy can still be the one putting the roof over his head.

-        Be independent. That is one of the biggest and best qualities a person can have.

Where are we now?

Well, after that mishap I decided Jordan and I weren’t right for each other. I told him how I felt and he agreed we could still be friends. We’ve hung out numerous times and I’ve decided it’s for the best. Now that we’re friends I can make fun of him to his face and not feel bad about it. Don’t worry, he laughs along too (sometimes).

GABANNA 

Rate My First Date

First dates are usually pretty awkward. You always lie about yourself, you rarely know what to expect from the other person and you wonder if you’re supposed to offer to pay or not.

Once upon a drunken night Dolce and I went out to a random hole-in-the-wall bar a few towns away from us. We were waiting on the ridiculously long bathroom line when I looked over and saw a really good-looking guy. After pointing him out to Dolce she whispered “I got this” and we started up a conversation with him. Leave it to her to break the ice. I have no clue what she said to him but within seconds she was gone and he introduced himself as Chuck. Naturally the guys line went down first so he got to go before me and when he came out and saw me still standing there he told me that he was going to sit down and order food if I wanted to go hang out.

After another agonizing 10 minutes of waiting I finally went off to find Chuck. He was sitting at a table by himself so I sat down and started talking to him. A few minutes later a bunch of his friends came over and I told him I had to go find Dolce but that I would see him later. After realizing that she started walking to the train since I lied and told her that it was twenty minutes earlier than it actually was, I bumped back into Chuck. I told him that I had to go and I somehow convinced him to ditch his friends and walk me to the train station.

Chuck and I walked and held hands and took our sweet time and he actually gave me a piggy back ride for a few minutes. He waited with me until the train came and he kissed me goodbye and told me that he would text me later.

I got on the train never thinking that I would hear from him again. While Dolce immediately passed out on her guy my phone went off.

“I think I like you.”

Awww. After a few witty text messages back and forth throughout the night he asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him. I obviously said yes and immediately started freaking out about my first date in almost two years.

The Date

He insisted on coming to my house to pick me up when I offered to meet him at the movie theater (he lives 30 minutes away from me.) After accidentally pulling up in front of my neighbor’s house I decided against letting him embarrass himself by going to their door and walked outside to meet him. Once he realized what he had done he laughed and said that he was planning on doing the chivalrous thing by coming to my door and meeting my parents. Sorry dude, that’s sweet but I wasn’t about to let it happen. I just don’t let anyone meet my family, you’ve gotta be important.

We talked the whole way to the theater and you could tell he was a little shy but kept the conversation flowing the whole time. Once we got inside he paid for my ticket and I told him that I would buy popcorn if he wanted. He seemed kind of taken aback but said okay so I ended up buying the popcorn for us. We found our seats and chatted until the movie started, all the while I wondered if he was going to hold my hand or not since we had already done it when we first met (granted we were drunk, but still).

About a quarter of the way into the movie we both reached for the popcorn at the same time.

“Are you trying to steal my popcorn?!?” I’m such a bitch.

“No I’m just trying to hold your hand.”

“You’re doing a terrible job.”

“My hand-eye coordination is a little off today.”

“Do you want some help?”

FINALLY. We held hands the rest of the movie and once it was over he asked if I wanted to get a drink somewhere. We drove around until we found a little restaurant that had live music and he bought the first round of beers and I bought the second. We hung out there for about two hours just getting to know each other and we ended up kissing on our way back to the car. He dropped me off at home and kissed me again and told me how much fun he had and how he couldn’t wait to do it again.

Pros

-He picked me up and tried to meet my parents (so chivalrous)

-He bought the tickets

-He bought me a drink

Cons

-He let me pay (which I don’t care about but according to friends a girl isn’t supposed to pay on the first date)

-Didn’t make a set plan for a second date. Even though he said he wanted to do it again he didn’t ask me when I was free.

Moral of the Story

- I thought it was a great date but after talking to friends they pointed out a few red flags. I know that I personally have no issues paying for myself, but it is nice to be treated every once in a while, especially on the first date.